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2001-03-14 - 06:48:09 today, while i was watching tv, i saw a segment on a poor man from grayton, kentucky, who was abducted by aliens. he was just strolling outside to care for his load of swine when suddenly he was whisked away and up onto the aliens' ship. Once there, the beings proceeded to strap him to a slab suspended in mid-air, and do all sorts of hideous things to him involving probes, lasers, and mah-johng tiles. this frightened me horribly. it frightened me so much in fact, that it took mr. bubbsy three hours and a whole coconut cream pie in order to entice me out from under the crawlspace. i am still on edge, however, and i fear the aliens will be coming for me next, for i am starting to see these mysterious lights in the sky, and then, of course, there's that whole teeth thing. for you see, my teeth have started talking to me again. it happened once before, during the period immediately preceeding my fifteen minutes of fame as the first male pregnancy. after the baby was born (which, as it turned out, was simply a pillow charon had stuffed into my shirt while i wasn't looking) the voices eminating from my teeth vanished as mysteriously as they came. however, since there is currently no pillow to extract from my clothing and dr. lambtree is taking a mental health day, i am at a loss as to how to remedy this situation. i suppose my only choice is to take a drill to my chops and try to fill up their little tooth-mouths with silver. anyhoo, i've been listening a little closer to the oral transmissions, i believe the aliens might be trying to tell us that DAMMIT, CHARON! GET THAT PILLOW AWAY FROM ME! I'M NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THAT AGAIN!...uh, where was i? darn it all, i forgot. oh, well. must not have been too important.
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