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2001-03-31 - 11:32 p.m. Wally, the Hamster from Hell Within the very depths of hell Where fire and brimstone churn and swell And the souls of the damned forever dwell Wally the Hamster lived quite well. He dined upon spicy hellfire seeds While plotting and planning nefarious deeds And never let his small stature impeede his wrongdoings; that rodent would ALWAYS succeed. Most often he would squeal in delight Whilst torturing souls throughout the night Or sometimes his eyes would flash and alight At the thought of the joys of large parasites. One night while running his exercise wheel And watching some crud that began to congeal A plan hatched in the head of this ne'er-do-wheel In which the fate of the earth was ensealed. He aspired to take over the mortal plane Where as master and ruler young Wally would reign And personally dole out the horror and pain While people of good would promptly be slain. Whith malice and smoke he began his ascent To the surface to become omnipotent Ne'er was there a hampster so maleficent Nor one with so crappy of a temp'rament. Wally summoned up devils and demons with glee Very soon he would go on a soul-damning spree Spreading 'round suffering and agony It was hardly what Dante would call comedy. The ground shifted and cracked as Wally burst forth And tremors were felt from the south to the north Thousands of people were then killed henceforth Even the man with a lisp was a corpth. The air was dark and stank of the dead Mountains burst forth while rivers ran red And evil danced where good feared to tread Talented, was that bad quadraped. Thus Wally arose and sat in his throne That floated above and was made of the bones Of unfortunate souls that he made his own While he giggled with glee at their pitiful moans. Wally then ruled as he had over Hades Running down children in his black mercedes He was pimpin' and dealin' and down wit' da ladies And no one complained that his ruling was shady We must now leave Wally, the story's expelled Let's pack up our bags and all wave farewell to that bastard named Wally, the Hampster from Hell Who happily rules the damned personnel
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